Whatever yoyoing I'm doing on the scale- I think I'm finally ok with it. I feel pretty strong today and I'm at 117. I hit 114 this week and I'm finding out I should concentrate on eating good high calorie foods and lots of protiens and sense my strength and heart and stop looking at that number. I don't know why its taken so long to believe that.

Hyperpigmentation. My hands look like they are dip-dyed. and I keep finding new "freckles" or splotches in new spots. "Mee's lines" and "Beau's lines"= no nail polish.  Teatree oil and vitamin E oil should help manage and it will grow out once the chemo is done. My fingers are supposed to begin feeling numb or tingly.... so far only the nails feel bruised, like I wore too-tight shoes.

My joints are super weak, I need exercise. I signed up for a class with a friend- low impact, Im hoping I'll be able to do it. If not, and maybe either way, I am gonna buy those little 80's weights and start some joint-building at home. he he

Started Taxol and ended Adriocytoxan. I think this is going to be amazingly easier. If I didnt have to get my wisdom teeth out last week, it wouldve been easier.

115. :/

122 weigh in.
new drug. push at the end is what made me sick... working on my perception to not feel that every week.


Its really really funny to me the things and the words that people gift me coming from a good place in their heart. I'm not sure if it is that they want to do something for me and have no idea what or if they think I need it or if they need it. If it gives them comfort, that is fine with me, I accept the positivity.

weighed in at 125 on thursday.

fingers are darkening along with nail beds. weird.

119lbs. time to eat lots.

its amazing how much clearer one's physical health balance is when you restart your eating habits at neutral, the things one craves are the things directly related to the things one needs.

why is it that all i want to eat are artichoke hearts, meat and blueberries? hmmm... lol.

I am thankful to be able to hear my body tell me things now. Physical and mental. :)

 

sugar<xylitol
wheat flour<brown rice flour
butter<veggie shortening
pectin<kuzu
apples<blueberries

It was actually really really good.  the crust was a little gritty- like a crumble rather than a pie- not buttery enough, but that's not so bad considering all the substitutes, and the fact that i can eat as much of it as i want! :)

120 pre thanksgiving.



lets see how much i can eat! :))

127

hootie hoo.

122lbs

you know that moment when you've been super sick and then you go out of your house for the first time and you breathe deep and you have that reawakening to the fact that you are so physical and the body is so amazingly resilient?  wonder.

slow today but the week is almost done and i am finally feeling almost normal again. :)

i feel like an alien today.

no hair and gravity is very very heavy.

in october. my first chemo push of adriamycin

declined my first major show because of this.
actively caring for my health. recognizing my limits. trusting there is more for me in the future to open.

supplements

astragalus tincture in non-alcohol
gynostemma complex
dandilion root tea
Floradix
bioflavinoids
vitamin B complex
magnesium
biotin
coQ10
Wellness Formula

updated no list...

No:
sugar
dairy
flour
gluten
no corn, potato, white rice, wheat, etc
nothing "white" or processed essentially
soy (tamari and tempeh are exceptions)
too sour (vinegary) foods (olives are ok)
coffee or caffeine
no "raw juicing"/cold food (always lightly steam raw veggies)
non-organic meats (must be hormone and antibiotic free) lamb is best or venison
no cruciferous veggies: broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, cabbage
no nightshades (eggplant, tomato, pepper, etc)
no fruit (except berries and maybe pitted fruit)
no beets
no processed meats even if organic
no bottom feeding fish
no farmed salmon  (wild fish in general is better)

roll call oct. 24 2011

7/14? - lumpectomy with all lymphnodes removed
7/27? -re-excision for margins
8/24? -re-excision for margins
10/11 - port placement
10/19 - egg extraction
10/20 - first chemo.

Heather Hart <>

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first chemo

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	Sat, Oct 22, 2011 at 8:40 PM
Heather - my apologies for my delay in getting back to you.  (I had a broadcast deadline.)  Feeling off is exactly what you'll feel and I imagine now that a few more days have passed you're in the thick of it. Most important is to try to keep your weight even.  Granted, you may lose some if you're too nauseated to eat but most people gain it back after the storm passes. Glad you were able to get the sea bands and the plums.  They were my heavenly friends and hopefully they're working for you.  If you need acupuncture, let us know.  It's important that you not do without.  I found bathing in oils, bubble baths, or whatever substance you like helpful, sea salt, if you wish.  It's soothing and you need all the soothing you can get. How's it going today? Lisa On Fri, Oct 21, 2011 at 1:40 AM, heather hart <heathart@gmail.com> wrote: It was easy until about 3 hours later then I felt off. still not violently off, but definitely ate the umi and went to bed under a heating pad. woke up now having a hard time going back to sleep and knowing I didn't eat enough. u still have the sea bands on and I ate a handful of sunflower seeds and more water. I'm ok just not prime and it's only the night after. I'll avoid my favorite foods but it's hard for me topicyure eating anything at this moment. :/ heather

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128 lbs

8 lb drop this weekend. boo. i was ok with 132, 135 is better but this is crazy. But what do they expect when they put so much crap in my system then give me more drugs to band aid the symptoms.
For some reason soups make me hurl this weekend. Steak and pasta with greens sound better.  And today for some reason I really wished I could eat a Whopper with fries. Not really, but kind of.

surgery #5

September dailys

Heather Hart <

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question about info

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<>	Sat, Sep 24, 2011 at 10:41 PM
To:
Dear Heather: Yes, the cruciferous list is quite long -- but the only ones that you should avoid is cabbage, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, and broccoli.  The others (such as kale, swiss chard, collard (the leafy ones) are fine).  The gymnostemma complex regulates blood sugar and can starve cancer cells of sugar.  For now, you should add a non-alcohol tincture of Astragalus (e.g., in a glycerin base) to your current regime.  The vitamins you are taking are okay.  Feel free to email me questions and I can definitely understand how overwhelm you must feel.  Best wishes to your healing process... Take care, Jeffrey

in july when i couldnt wash my own hair. surgery meant my arm was to stay at my side along with a drain. gross.

Heather  <

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thank you

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Heather  <>	Sat, Jul 2, 2011 at 4:26 PM
To: Mom  <>
Hello mom This is the most serious thing ive ever gone thru and there is a lot of emotional stuff that i need to manage.  So the most important thing right now is for me to have only confident optimism and ease around me, on the phone and on emails so I can stay happy, confident, optimistic and easy. No anxiousness, pity, worry because in this delicate state, it affects me and makes me anxious and worriesome. I will tell you what I need. I know this is a challenge for you too, but I'm sure you don't need me to reassure you that I'll be fine. I got this, I'm not worried,  I am taken care of and am in the best situation I can ask for.  Radiation is done on my lunch break- it is easy and if anything it will only make me tired, so I will need more sleep. So forgive me if I am less available physically and emotionally to respond to emails and calls. If you want to know how I need support, I need you to  be happy for me.  I love you and if it becomes serious, I will let you know.  But right now the only other support I need is financial.  Instead of you coming here now, I would like to come out to visit when this is all over, and on my travel grant dime, to visit you and do the family research. I totally feel loved and thank you for your positive energy.  If you want to support me, instead of a plane ticket to be by my side right now, since my lifestyle is changing so drastically so quickly, feel free to send a care package or financial support for things I'm going to have to buy now like: a crockpot, copays, perscriptions, transportation (for surgery day), recipes and new food:  luckyvitamin.com or http://www.goldminenaturalfoods.com or wholefoods.com is welcomed. There are a lot of financial aid options for me that I am applying to but the process is quick and processing financial aid is not. Here is my new diet for pre/during radiation (a lot will stay the same post radiation).. Yes: Green tea water berries dandelion (tea or greens) broths/stews root veggies goji berries (dried) ginger, cinnamon seeds (roasted or toasted sesame, black sesame,sunflower,not pumpkin) lamb is best, rare is best, organic farm raised, stewed is better than roasted (no char) No: sugar dairy flour gluten nothing "white" essentially soy sour (vinegary) foods coffee no "raw juicing"/cold food (always lightly steam raw veggies) non-organic meats I also attached a copy of part of the book they gave me about Cancer support. It seems pretty helpful and true.

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Civilization (Bongo, Bongo, Bongo)
The Andrews Sisters with Danny Kaye written by Bob Hilliard and Carl Sigman as recorded September 27, 1947 in Los Angeles by The Andrews Sisters with Danny Kaye and Vic Schoen & His Orchestra.

Each morning, a missionary advertises neon sign
He tells the native population that civilization is fine
And three educated savages holler from a bamboo tree
That civilization is a thing for me to see

So bongo, bongo, bongo, I don't wanna leave the Congo, oh no no no no no
Bingo, bangle, bungle, I'm so happy in the jungle, I refuse to go
Don't want no bright lights, false teeth, doorbells, landlords, I make it clear
That no matter how they coax him, I'll stay right here

I looked through a magazine the missionary's wife concealed (Magazine? What happens?)
I see how people who are civilized bung you with automobile (You know you can get hurt that way Daniel?)
At the movies they have got to pay many coconuts to see (What do they see, Darling?)
Uncivilized pictures that the newsreel takes of me

So bongo, bongo, bongo, he don't wanna leave the Congo, oh no no no no no
Bingo, bangle, bungle, he's so happy in the jungle, he refuse to go
Don't want no penthouse, bathtub, streetcars, taxis, noise in my ear
So, no matter how they coax him, I'll stay right here

They hurry like savages to get aboard an iron train
And though it's smokey and it's crowded, they're too civilized to complain
When they've got two weeks vacation, they hurry to vacation ground (What do they do, Darling?)
They swim and they fish, but that's what I do all year round

So bongo, bongo, bongo, I don't wanna leave the Congo, oh no no no no no
Bingo, bangle, bungle, I'm so happy in the jungle, I refuse to go
Don't want no jailhouse, shotgun, fish-hooks, golf clubs, I got my spears
So, no matter how they coax him, I'll stay right here

They have things like the atom bomb, so I think I'll stay where I "ahm"
Civilization, I'll stay right here!

diagnosis june 24, 2011

I thought the surgeon was joking. literally. i guess that would be a bad sense of humor.  The whole way they were all so dismissive of what I found being anything... Well, I guess we could do a core biopsy, but I don't see anything, do you want it? I'm like "want" is not the right word, but I'm here, so I guess so. No family history, too young at 36 going on 26. I exercise i eat well. So, whatever, statistics, statastics. I'm always the exception to the rule.


I spent the summer in Seattle at what I thought was my last visit with my father. I am so blessed that it was not.  I had found a Mentos shaped but half the sized lump randomly and suddenly in April I think and went to my doctor. She was comfortingly dismissive and told me she would recommend testing because the patient found the lump, but it was most likely nothing. Then I went to Seattle where my dad was in critical care suddenly for MRSA. We moved him and waded through some family baggage before I left. I knew i had opened a healing process there. My auntie planned a visit which coincidentally took place the week of my first surgery.  She is a healer for me and again, I am so lucky.

So when my surgeon told me what they found was cancer, I was first very unemotional, I didnt feel any differently than the day before. I wasn't about to go buy a pink outfit and start walking for commercial fundraising. I guess the doctors are impressed at the way I deal with things. "You are handling all of this very well" How am I supposed to handle it? I don't know because it has never happened before and I don't know what is ahead of me.  All I know is I do not want to personify this process.  It is not ME that HAS this cancer. I don't want to own that and I don't want it as part of my identity.  This is a process that I am going through and I am not afraid or worried for its outcome.  I appreciate my place in all of it and am thankful for the insane grace that has surrounded me for it. 

I just happen to do my day-gig at a health college where I know and have access to dozens of western and eastern healers. I had been doing acupuncture weekly there for about six months successfully quelling other ailments and felt secure in the use of eastern medicine in my process.  If a process like this could be blessed, mine must be the most blessed.