i really don't want this much responsibility for my own future. what does that mean?!
i don't really believe in the western medicine as much as the eastern but the way they break things down to statistics and categories and scare tactics does effect me. so now, i've been saying for months that my treatment would stop after radiation and i would decline the hormone therapy because of the 3% risk of uteran cancer and the time span of not being able to breed and the side effects that make it similar to radiation and chemo but for five fucking years. and now i find myself with prescription in hand. i feel scared and that is all. i trust the eastern doctor but they dont use scare tactics so their voice is not contrary to western inmy mind.aaa  i just want to be done and be healthy now.

still really exhausted despite my ambition. 4th "cold" in a month. and my finger began swelling. :O( put my lymphedema sleeve on. we'll see.

I AM FINISHED WITH RADIATION

chemo, check.
radiation, check.
I am declining hormone therapy.
So now it is removing my port, healing and continuing Chinese treatments and  I am done.

xo


This website made me smile...not too different...
http://englishrussia.com/2012/05/17/oncological-centre-in-khabarovsk/#more-100668

skin is pretty gross now

Saving my skin:

Stinks like a barnyard but this stuff is the best. Seriously stains everything but it worked the best, felt the healthiest and I knew I wasn't drying my skin out.

Doctor recommended but it's mostly just overpriced Vaseline. And I've heard that actually dries skin out ultimately. Doesn't stink though. I used this when I was going out anywhere so I didn't smell bad.

This stuff stinks too. But like soup and grandmothers. Chinese doctor recommended. It was great for the beginning. A little intense when my skin started peeling. But it was great to take away any heat and throb. 

I love allafia. This stuff smelled great but I use too much of it to afford it. It's mostly Shea but it's like whipped or something so it's softer. I used this mostly at the very end after I healed mostly.