clearing lungs, treating neuropathy... fear the purple needles. :)

In the midst of stressful preparation for the fundraiser, my first undergraduate teacher, from Seattle, walks in to the room!!! I was shocked and I cried. I am blessed, amazed, humbled and such a lucky girl...

+ SO much love <3

- neuropathy SUX

i have a big shoe box-- boot sized--- that i'm tossing my bills in now... unopened. lol. I figure i will get to them when my brain is straight. That's the funny thing- when chemo was at its worst, the anesthesiologist's bill collector kept calling me. And that was a time that I could barely read anything without vomiting let alone try to manage my finances or pay my bills. I had to get a friend to go through my box with me and fillout all my checks and make negotiation phone calls for me.  At least I can do it myself now. My hands and feet are pretty bad now but it will fade with time... the neuropathy and some weird muscle spasm in my palm and then the nail pain.  But I am blessed with an army of talented hard working friends. And that is more important.

I began my install at the museum. My chinese doctor and the western social worker think its really really important for me to keep invested in my passion. Power tools are a little difficult at times, but I have an assistant and take breaks. I'm happy. And thankful.

Today is Women's Day

Today is Women's Day.  I am happy to share with you that an hour ago I completed my chemotherapy treatment for breast cancer. And I received the results of a normal mammogram. And its sunny and warm outside for the first time in months.  I am normally a very private person but through this treatment realize how important it is to be open with this process for many reasons.

I was also denied a Pt CT Scan that my radiologist needs to proceed with radiation therapy. It is amazing how someone like me with insurance ends up having to pay for so much out of pocket. It may have been easier to have no insurance because I think Medicare covers more... My social worker at the hospital said I am in a difficult situation... not earning little enough to justify so many grants or medicare but not earning enough to pay for the coinsurance, copays, rx and things that are not covered like anesthesiology and scans and egg freezing and acupuncture (ironically enough since my insurance comes from my job at an acupuncture school). So much money.

thus fundraiser.

last chemo tx

nurse didar stabing me in the chest. we call her the one with the sexy eyebrows. i cried partly because of her beautiful baby bump that has grown since she stabbed me inthe chest the first time months ago when i had hair. and because i have to make a decisioin about taking hormone therapy for five years that will delay my conceiving until after. they dont design cancer therapy for people my age. too old to recover in time to be normal and too young to... well, just too young. i admit it has been nice not cramping or bleeding for the past 6 months.

i'm forcing this constipated looking smile because i feel very shitty but in my heart i'm happy. im done!! now on to radiation...

started installation. wearing my lymphadema sleeve and breaking often, so thankful to have an assistant!

update: my fingers and toes are sooo numb! i couldn't cover my feet again last night but i only have ONE MORE CHEMO before that part is over, so I'm talking myself into the zone... must be able to button my shirt on Thursday and keep my hemoglobin, red and white cells up so they'll proceed with treatment. whew.
then i'll get three weeks break before radiation starts.  meanwhile, my sleep patterns have been pretty consistent the last few weeks... thursday i crash from the drugs, friday i'm wired from the drugs, saturday and sunday the drugs are starting to wear off and i sleep for 2-4 hour stretches and then am up for 5-7 before i crash again, monday-wednesdays are increasingly better- up to 6 hours of sleep at nights but i usually am up at like 5am adn crash at like 7pm which is annoying.

bills: piling up in the shoe box besides the automatic debit ones. whole foods is a money vacuum but i'm not allowed to eat half the things elsewhere.

so thankful to friends who are putting a fundraiser together.
<3